I’ve been elevated.  WordPress.

There is no pretense here (at least that I have seen).  There is honesty.  Not only about our sexual proclivities but the depth of who we are.  You guys are amazing.  I feel so blessed that I have stumbled into a group of people that express themselves the way I feel.

(Abigail)  “You know, people don’t really talk that way.”

(Benjamin)  “No, but they think that way.”

—  National Treasure

*****

Discovering who we are ……

Self-discovery is a constant journey.  A journey I was terrified of.  I would lie to myself and anyone that tried to get close.  It was a lonely place to be and I didn’t realize just how lonely I was.  Trapped in a steel ball that had been welded shut, all the while completely unaware of its existence.

Then the work began.  There was no other choice.

It dawned on me a while back that we are either snorkelers or scuba divers.  Snorkelers skim the surface.  They are content with what they see and won’t go any deeper perhaps due to fear or ignorance (no-judgment-zone here by the way).  Snorkeling is relatively easy.  You swim around, you look and there is beauty to see; to see.  Comfortable? Oblivious? Easy? (Hey, I have an idea. Let’s go to the Bahamas, sit on the beach and snorkel just past the swimming area.)

Scuba divers want to go deeper.  And they are also afraid; perhaps more so. They’ve snorkeled when it’s cloudy or even in Category IV hurricanes, and done so not by design but by circumstances.  And when it clears, snorkeling isn’t enough. They see snippets of the beauty below.  But now they long to feel what they can only see.  They need to feel and they need help. Equipment, guidance, faith …. time to take some risks.  They are gifted with a desire to go deeper.  Starting in a swimming pool they get comfortable with their equipment, their guides. They begin to trust.  They move to the water while remaining close to the shore then go out a bit further each time.  They begin to go deeper.  They get closer to what they saw but had yet to “feel.”  Then they touch. Things are beautiful but can also be sharp or even cut us if we aren’t careful.  But we have our guides.  We have our faith.  We are trusting now.  We are gaining experience.  We go deeper.  Dangerous living creatures can show up.  Memories can show up.  We stay with our guides.  We are learning to scuba dive.  And we know we can never experience all there is to see but we can’t stop looking.

Most of us begin as snorkelers.  Some stay that way. Some begin to scuba dive, become terrified and return to snorkeling.  Some try again in time; in their time.  Once I was a scuba diver, I realized I can’t go snorkeling.  If I do, I will always be uncomfortably aware of what I could be missing.

There is immense freedom in discovering who we are.

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