Symon’s recent post reminded me of the low self-esteem many subs (and even us Domly types) can face and must ultimately deal with. Personally I believe one of my greatest responsibilities is to give back my babygirl her lost self-esteem. It’s there. Always has been. It’s just been stomped on by any number of life occurrences over the years.
Several years ago I spent a year as liaison between a K-8 private school and a primary donor for a new wing of a building. As a contractor, the school asked me to guide the process on their, and the donors behalf.
At the opening shindig/dedication, I had a board member approach me and say something to the effect of “thank you so much for all your time and hard work during the project.” My response …. “eh, it was nothing.” This was a board member I knew fairly well and was not known for sugar coating anything. She looked at me with a bit of disdain and said in no uncertain terms, “can’t you take a compliment?” I can’t remember what I said after that as the committee in my head immediately took over.
I discovered I was doing two things I didn’t much like.
First, and most importantly, I was minimizing my role; expressing doubt over the value of what I had done for the organization. Shame … that corroding thread the weaves through (dare I say) all of us to a degree.
Second, I was declining a gift another person was offering me and that affects them. She gave me the gift of a compliment. Have you ever felt the excitement of finding that perfect birthday present for someone? What if they simply said, “ehh, I don’t want it.” I was denying her the right to offer something positive.
I made a decision. No more self-deprecation, and don’t squelch another person’s desire to do something nice for me. Sure, I can fall back into old patterns but awareness usually jumps in. Do the right thing. Do it for me. Do it for them.
Do it to remind yourself that you are worthy.
John Brownstone said:
I too had the same problem for a while it took me a while to get passed it but I did manage it. Part of what helped was when Kayla entered my life and I built her up and stood behind her encouraging her to reach for her dreams.
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Freedom Hunter said:
Yes. They give us incredible gifts as well. Great comment and thanks for the insight.
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Cinn said:
Smiles. Sweet Sir
Still prefer the tooth pulled 😄
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Freedom Hunter said:
LOL. No cavities. Gotta do what’s necessary.
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Freedom Hunter said:
…..while holding your hand the entire way
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Annie B said:
It was so very hard to accept compliments as a young person and younger woman. I had been so full of self-hatred that “complients” felt like daggers to me. Not just compliments; any type of attention. I couldn’t see them for the soul kisses they were.
Beloved changed that with persistence. He dulled the blades and turned them into gifts, just as you described. Wonderful post!
Annie B
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Freedom Hunter said:
Thank you. And yes, it takes time. Would be nice if we could just flip a switch but some things are so deeply ingrained. Thank God we have those that love us and specifically, one that led you in the direction you needed to go. Happy for you both.
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theagingsub said:
I think my favorite part is the recognition that not accepting a compliment is like negating a gift…..so true!! It means so much to the giver, doesn’t it? It takes risk and is such an offering, to make light of it is truly unfair. Very good to keep in mind, especially since I still have trouble accepting them, but I’m working on it. I’m much better than I’ve ever been, for the reason above. I have such appreciation for the giver. Lovely post!
Kay💜
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Freedom Hunter said:
Yes, we give by accepting. Seems like a paradox. I appreciate your comment and glad you enjoyed it.
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Dawn D said:
I love how you said this. And can relate so deeply at the moment…
Thank you for sharing this post.
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wildwestangel said:
Well hellfire. This was almost word for word the exhortation in a book I’m reading with some other subs on submission…..argh. Got the message. I’m terrible at this.
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Freedom Hunter said:
Great minds? The voice of experience?
Tell you what miss Angel. How about if I delete the last four words of your comment. One step closer to that seemingly elusive state of self-esteem.
And by the way, you guys are the best! Hope you are soundly catching up on your sleep this morning.
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wildwestangel said:
Smarty Doms kill me….but thank you. The Posse is pretty awesome.
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Kayla Lords said:
I still find myself pushing aside compliments from time to time when a simple, “Thank you” is more appropriate. You’re right – it’s the refusal of a gift when we do that.
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Freedom Hunter said:
Yes Kayla, it’s easy to do. Sometimes we revert back to old behaviors. I’ll take your comment as a compliment on what I wrote. So, “thank you.”
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oceanswater said:
Very well said Sir! i can recall when I also did not know how to accept a compliment. Until someone said the very same words to me.
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Hunter said:
Thank you. Glad we BOTH know how to hear and accept compliments now. Never stop learning.
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oceanswater said:
I won’t, I learned long time ago that “people just need to learn how to be…” nothing else. 😉
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Symon said:
Thanks for mentioning my name.
Very good post.
Greetings.
Symon
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Hunter said:
Thank you. I love what you share with us.
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Dawn D said:
It took me a long time to accept compliments and as Annie B said. I didn’t like myself, didn’t think of myself of worthy, so how could I believe that anyone would see me as worthy? If they were lauding me, it must have been in irony!
Luckily, I have grown somewhat. I can now recognise the gift and also accept that I may be deserving of it. There is still some learning to do, but I’m working on it 🙂
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