Db’s post last night was just another example of how she continues to amaze me. We’d been talking about exotic bathrooms (something she loves) with massive tubs, fireplaces, etc. and I mentioned she hadn’t written in a few days. She said she wanted to write so I suggested finding her favorite bathroom picture and tell us how it made her feel.
Instead, we all got her incredibly honest and vulnerable post. She sent it to me before posting as she usually asks me to read things first. I’ve let her know this is not a requirement. Her blog and thoughts are critical to her well-being and she knows I will never impede or sensor. However, I must say that when she asks me to review first, it fills my heart as she is giving me just that much more of herself.
So I read it a couple of times, called her and told her to spend thirty minutes getting ready for bed. I wanted the comments to begin to come in from all you wonderful WP folks. And you didn’t let her down.
When I called her back I told her I wanted her to be gentler with herself and let her know her tunnel vision expectations were actually a burden to herself. As we talked, my mind kept going back to the fairytale. I reminded her of the difference between her fairytale and The Fairytale. She had built in her own mind exactly what her submission should look like.
She’s so sweet and innocent. And a perfectionist. And a dreamer. And human.
What I explained to her was essentially what you guys have continued reinforced. This relationship is a work in progress. And it always will be. We live in our minds and have dreams and expectations. Then, suddenly reality jumps in and our preconceived square pegs don’t fit into the round holes.
Joy: “Celebrate your successes and that you are perfectly imperfect.”
Annie: “You are an amazingly submissive woman. One that I adore. The fact that you are also a very regular human like me only makes me love you.”
Peep: “Welcome to being human. Both you and Hunter are!”
DD: “Set realistic expectations, and accept accountability where you want it, but don’t beat yourself up or find yourself being punished for being human and imperfect.”
Ash: “Your submission will be so much sweeter for the two of you as he draws it from you and nurtures it, than if you presented it to him fully formed.”
Kayla: “If the bond grows as you stumble, that’s the best sign of progress I can think of.”
And finally, Angel: “I’m excited to see the REAL submissive Cinny emerge now. The girl that you will grow to be will be better than you imagined.”
EXACTLY. If we could write our own scripts we would sell ourselves short! We sometimes grip so tightly our need to be something perfect, or something we have read about or seen outside ourselves. And when we fall short, we feel as though we’ve failed (more childhood shit!). This is not failure. This is experience. This is life. This is the fairytale.
I told her I was going to help her be as gentle with herself as she was with the rest of the world. She deserves that …. and so much more. I really don’t think she has a grasp of just how wonderful she is, not only as a submissive but her pure soul. This is why she has so many that love her like they do. We will continually work together (all of us) to find her balance. She needs you all as much as you need her.
This post is for you db. I did choose you. And you chose me. We are two very blessed individuals.