Db wrote an interesting post this morning that might be a good preface to reading this. It has spurred some great conversation and comments.

So, what is a “sadist Daddy?”  Daddy? Sure, no problem. Sadist? Aghast! (among other reactions)

Certain titles can be interpreted as absolute, especially in the kink community. And those titles can evoke any number of emotions, one of the reasons I am not enamored with lifestyle titles/names/monikers/etc.

So what makes giving and receiving pain an attractive thing? Who knows? It just does. And what defines pain? Spanking? Needles? What makes someone find sexual pleasure wearing a diaper? Or incredibly artistic rope bondage? Or laying in the bed cuddling on a Sunday morning with plugs in both her and his ass? Or playing footsie under the table?

The point is this. One man’s trash is another man’s treasure. Variety is the spice of life.

The Important Part

I want db to be more joyful and serene than she has ever been. I want her to feel and explore her sexuality with all the deep emotions that go along with it. I’d jump in front of a moving bus before I would hurt her in a traumatic way. But I will also go to any length to help her find a physical and emotional sexual release. That’s what she wants from me. And doing so is a sexual and emotional release for me as well.

The objective is for her to feel safe and let go. I am her Daddy. This doesn’t give me carte blanche to do as I want. Rather it places, squarely on my shoulders, the responsibility to care for her better than she could care for herself. She has given me the power to make decisions that are best for her.

Who Are We?

I find pleasure by inflicting various levels of pain. However the deeper pleasure comes from helping her get through it; helping her reach a point of sexual and emotional release. It’s a combination I can’t explain. Yes, it’s pain …. and love. It’s just who I am.  Does that make me a sadist?

She began receiving maintenance/bonding spankings early in our relationship. She had never cried from this type spanking before but now she does, just about every time. She doesn’t like the pain but loves the effect. Does that make her a masochist?

I hold her hand while I use the purple paddle. I rub her back and ask if she is okay. I watch her body movement, listen to the slightest changes in sounds, watch her breathing and let her hear my soothing tone. Does that make me a sadist?

When we are done, she curls up in my lap, frequently releasing more tears, then settles into a peaceful state after which she often has no recollection of what I’ve said to her. Does that make her a masochist?

Is this the definition of sadism and masochism? It’s certainly a part of the definition of our love. It’s outside an experience of physical sensation. There is a caring and bonding that goes far beyond the scope of a preconceived idea or notion. Or label.

She gives herself to me because she knows I treasure her as much or more than she treasures herself. She’s not laying down or compromising herself, she’s freeing herself. Check out this post from our friend Mel.

Am I a sadist? Is she a masochist?  What’s your definition? Whatever it may be, never compromise …. explore your desires fully! We all deserve nothing less.