In communicating with a few submissives (babygirls) in recent months, I’ve noticed a common theme that’s a bit disheartening. They talk of feeling held back, unable to serve better by being more selflessly guided. There is a huge difference (and a fine line between) being dominant and domineering. Being a Dom is no cakewalk. We’re dealing with some of the most loving and fragile human beings that exist. Put your seatbelt on, fellow Doms. This is a lot more challenging than I sometimes like to admit or take responsibility for.

Am I looking after her or holding her back? My fear and insecurities can jump in. My selfishness can rear its ugly head. I can hide bad motives behind good ones even with the best intentions. Control in the name of dominance that is really based in fear my own selfish desires is one of the most egocentric things I can do. I must continually consider this; look in the mirror. Am I really serving her best interests or my own selfish needs?

Her freedom must be given through structure, discipline, love, trust, safety and security. She needs that unequivocally. Too much control will only serve to inhibit her true submissive self. Part of that is putting her priorities ahead of my own. The physical/sexual side is one thing. But the emotional side is where she will find her greatest gift of being able to serve. For her to submit, she has to be free. It’s a bit of a paradox but then again, many things in life are.

She must have her own voice. It’s not only her right but her responsibility. And she must know she’ll be heard without judgment or retribution. She needs to know her feelings and spirit will be held in trust by the one she has chosen to offer herself.  I must also show her it’s safe by exposing my own vulnerability. I must tell her how I’m feeling; also my right and responsibility. Her bearing witness to this will allow her to begin to drop what are often long-standing emotional walls. It’s a deep gift of love she will naturally recognize and therefore be even more devoted and want to serve that much more deeply. Again, a paradox.

And of course once she’s mine emotionally, she’ll physically give herself to me that much more. So ….. a bad motive behind a good one? Hope not but I must never stop considering this.

Give her this gift, let her flourish, give her wings to fly and she will be yours forever.

“Sir, please give me my voice so I can better serve you.”