Our Foundation

I’m a relative novice when it comes to domestic discipline. However, after many years exploring in the D/s lifestyle, I’ve found a “home and comfort zone.” There has been clarity, as though the many pieces of the puzzle suddenly fell into place. There are numerous other aspects to the D/s lifestyle I still love and will incorporate in to my relationship with db but domestic discipline has quickly evolved into our foundation.

Db and I originally made our connection because of our mutual interest in domestic discipline. Since then, we have talked at great length, and put into practice components that are appropriate for our relationship. There is certainly a sexually intense side that we both experience but more so there is a safety and a feeling of security.

She has a deep need for structure. DD helps with her health, being on time, accountability, etc. I am still amazed and fascinated by her immediate change in tone and demeanor when I deliberately take over in a given situation to mold and give her structure. It’s as though a calm comes over her like a breath of wind coming through the window on a spring day. And I am at my best when I experience her feeling of safety and contentment. I feel an incredible bond to her when she so naturally abides by my leadership in the relationship. Never have I experienced someone so naturally desirous of and willing to surrender.

We are so excited about our new home. It’s been a challenge to create a domestic discipline environment with the distance between us. Structure and accountability will be attained so much more easily; for example to integrate eye contact with voice tones will be extraordinary. This will only enhance her natural desire to submit and please; something I so deeply admire and respect. She trusts me and my judgment. It’s an honor I will never take lightly or for granted.

Punishment and correction will be much more thorough and intimate. To some that might be frightening but she displays a sense of calm knowing she will have the structure and security she has craved for so long. Punishments to this point have been fairly limited to things like corner time, writing lines and insertion and wearing of a large butt plug. Once she is home, there will be more spanking, clamps and other behavior modification techniques. Additionally, consistent maintenance spankings will serve to keep her in a more relaxed state and strengthen our bond. To witness her relief from a maintenance spanking and also her release of guilt from an infraction after receiving punishment and being forgiven gives me incredible joy. I just want her to feel safe and happy.

Like anything in the lifestyle, we will continue to feel our way through our domestic discipline dynamic. We will continue to find what works for us, modify and refine, and leave the rest behind. Our foundation has been laid and we will continue to build all aspects of our life together. Philosophical discussions, creating meals together and for each other, her desire to have me fuck her purely for my pleasure, her feeling of safety and love, watching old and discovering new favorite movies, engaging in the local kink community, her discovery of new friends, blogging, anal training, the intimacy of watersports, the dogs, work and the list goes on.

So begins our life as a loving HOH and Dominant, and a loving and serene TIH and submissive.  We are both so very blessed.

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THIS TIME I COULD

I’m so proud of her. But mostly I am grateful that she calls me Daddy. I want to hold her hand and shout to the world just how wonderful and pure she is. Her goodness pervades in ways I’ve never seen in another person. She is humbly a noble person and spirit.

Blogs have a naturally occurring filter. In other words we get to manipulate to some degree what we present to the world. But she doesn’t have to. She doesn’t have to convince or portray. Her true being comes through in an almost subliminal way. It’s what drew me to her the first time I read her words. And then to experience the real person……..

I’m a very lucky man. She’s smart, little, kinky and has a wisdom and maturity from life experiences that make her my fairy tale. This re-blog is but one minuscule example……

HASTYWORDS

When I began blogging a few years ago I believed it would be a solitary journey.  I believed I would type some words on a screen, hit publish, and maybe feel content knowing the words might land someplace they were wanted and/or needed.  I never really expected that I would end up having conversations with people much less getting to know them.

Today’s guest blogger kept popping up on my Facebook timeline as someone I might like to know.  I had seen friends of mine commenting on her stuff and her commenting on theirs so I decided to get to know the pink glittery lips that kept passing through.  I used to be too shy to click the Add Friend but I have met too many amazing people not to.  I am so glad I met this blogger who is here today to share with us the moment compassion for…

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Elust 67

rebelbowheader
Photo courtesy of Rebels Notes

Welcome to Elust #67 

The only place where the smartest and hottest sex bloggers are featured under one roof every month. Whether you’re looking for sex journalism, erotic writing, relationship advice or kinky discussions it’ll be here at Elust. Want to be included in Elust #68? Start with the rules, come back March 1st to submit something and subscribe to the RSS feed for updates!

For our UK readers, we would like to make a special request that you take a moment and fill out thispetition to repeal the new censorship laws.

~ This Month’s Top Three Posts ~

Yes, Squirting is Real (And it’s not pee.)

These men make me SO angry

Still Kinky After All These Years

~ Featured Post (Molly’s Picks) ~

When It Rains
You want me to read what?

~ Readers Choice from Sexbytes ~

*You really should consider adding your popular posts here too*
Due to technical difficulties there is no Readers Choice selection this month

All blogs that have a submission in this edition must re-post this digest from tip-to-toe on their blogs within 7 days. Re-posting the photo is optional and the use of the “read more…” tag is allowable after this point. Thank you, and enjoy!

Thoughts & Advice on Kink & Fetish

How to Make Time for Kinky Fuckery
Submissive Power Is Hot Stuff
Topping from the Bottom
Daddy
Property Milestone
Dead Heat
Submissive power and the storms of life
I Talk A Lot, But Not About That
I Just Want To Be Me
What I Get Out Of Locking A Man in Chastity
BDSM and pick-up artists

Sex News, Opinion, Interviews, Politics & Humor

Socks and Sex
Marsala? The Color of My Panties? Who Knew?

Erotic Fiction

Short Strokes: Molasses Makes Me Horny
12 Step Homeopathic Remedy for Scorned Lovers
Alice’s Wonderland
Feel His Breath On Me
Out For A Walk
Playing in the Band
Braille
Coming Pretty
The Fall
Erotica After Hours
Dancing in the Dark

Thoughts & Advice on Sex & Relationships

Make Love to Me
I Used to Fake Orgasms. This is Why I Stopped

Poetry

Brigitta – A Lusty Limerick

Erotic Non-Fiction

With a very sharp knife
black bra and g-string
Debut
Meeting Slave Olive for a Cash Point Meet
LachrymoseWhen Two Doms Play…Fuck Tender!

Happy Valentine’s Day Doll Baby

Dilapidated House 2-14-15

I’ve lived just east of the Southern Appalachians all my life. It’s a wonderful place; two hours from the mountains and three hours from the coast. In the countryside are remnants of days gone by such as the one pictured here. I’ve seen hundreds, perhaps thousands of similar views rarely giving them much thought. They are so common, I typically consider them the way a fish considers water.

When db came to visit last month, I already knew how much she loved this type of scenery. In Texas, we drove through the countryside and she spotted deer and old barns, pointed out the difference between buzzards and falcons, all in a childlike way that made my heart smile. As I drove through a similar area this week, I spotted the structure above, took the picture and sent it to her.

You see, she has helped me with perspective. She shows me things that have been right in front of me for years but are now brand new as I see them through her eyes.

She has shown me what love looks like in its purest form. She has shown me the goodness of a spirit that isn’t clouded with pretense or facade. She has shown me how using her body for my pleasure isn’t an act of objectification but one of joy, love and bonding. She has exposed some of my own defects at a time in my life where my response isn’t fight or flight but true introspection. She has shown me just how emotionally cleansing a loving and intense spanking can be. She has shown me the true definition of submission from a little soul that wants nothing more than to please her Daddy …. a Daddy that wants nothing more than to see her serene and at peace.

So today, this is my gift to you doll baby. An expression of my gratitude to you and God for making my life so rich and fulfilled. You’ll be here soon my love. We will drive through the countryside. We will talk and explore with each other. We will have extensive ass play for my pleasure. We will recognize and deal with defects together. We will walk the dogs. I will hold you for hours during and after tears from an intense spanking. I will take your hand and we will grow.

Happy Valentine’s Day doll baby. This is our time.

sadist Daddy? hmmm, okay…..

Db wrote an interesting post this morning that might be a good preface to reading this. It has spurred some great conversation and comments.

So, what is a “sadist Daddy?”  Daddy? Sure, no problem. Sadist? Aghast! (among other reactions)

Certain titles can be interpreted as absolute, especially in the kink community. And those titles can evoke any number of emotions, one of the reasons I am not enamored with lifestyle titles/names/monikers/etc.

So what makes giving and receiving pain an attractive thing? Who knows? It just does. And what defines pain? Spanking? Needles? What makes someone find sexual pleasure wearing a diaper? Or incredibly artistic rope bondage? Or laying in the bed cuddling on a Sunday morning with plugs in both her and his ass? Or playing footsie under the table?

The point is this. One man’s trash is another man’s treasure. Variety is the spice of life.

The Important Part

I want db to be more joyful and serene than she has ever been. I want her to feel and explore her sexuality with all the deep emotions that go along with it. I’d jump in front of a moving bus before I would hurt her in a traumatic way. But I will also go to any length to help her find a physical and emotional sexual release. That’s what she wants from me. And doing so is a sexual and emotional release for me as well.

The objective is for her to feel safe and let go. I am her Daddy. This doesn’t give me carte blanche to do as I want. Rather it places, squarely on my shoulders, the responsibility to care for her better than she could care for herself. She has given me the power to make decisions that are best for her.

Who Are We?

I find pleasure by inflicting various levels of pain. However the deeper pleasure comes from helping her get through it; helping her reach a point of sexual and emotional release. It’s a combination I can’t explain. Yes, it’s pain …. and love. It’s just who I am.  Does that make me a sadist?

She began receiving maintenance/bonding spankings early in our relationship. She had never cried from this type spanking before but now she does, just about every time. She doesn’t like the pain but loves the effect. Does that make her a masochist?

I hold her hand while I use the purple paddle. I rub her back and ask if she is okay. I watch her body movement, listen to the slightest changes in sounds, watch her breathing and let her hear my soothing tone. Does that make me a sadist?

When we are done, she curls up in my lap, frequently releasing more tears, then settles into a peaceful state after which she often has no recollection of what I’ve said to her. Does that make her a masochist?

Is this the definition of sadism and masochism? It’s certainly a part of the definition of our love. It’s outside an experience of physical sensation. There is a caring and bonding that goes far beyond the scope of a preconceived idea or notion. Or label.

She gives herself to me because she knows I treasure her as much or more than she treasures herself. She’s not laying down or compromising herself, she’s freeing herself. Check out this post from our friend Mel.

Am I a sadist? Is she a masochist?  What’s your definition? Whatever it may be, never compromise …. explore your desires fully! We all deserve nothing less.

Wear the World like a Loose Garment

I use the title of this post as a subtitle for my blog. I’ve wondered who else might have heard the phrase (no, it’s not original). I wonder if any have scratched their heads regarding its meaning.

There have been a few posts recently that reference the disease of addiction, something I am very familiar with. I’m writing this post for myself and others. Others that may have a limited understanding of the disease of addiction and recovery, and others that might need hope from a fellow sufferer.

I’m a recovered alcoholic. I got sober June 12, 2006. I was at a point in my life where I couldn’t drink and I couldn’t not drink. Some used to ask “why don’t you just stop?” Believe me I tried for years. I would often wake in the morning and tell myself I will not drink again … and I meant it from the bottom of my heart! But by afternoon, that conviction had flown out the window. It was perplexing and instilled a sense of worthlessness and shame that could only be borne with more drinking and drugging. How do you explain that to someone? To a normal person, there is no explanation possible. To a fellow alcoholic there is no explanation necessary.

Check out this monologue by Craig Ferguson some years back.

So I cried “Uncle” and had to find some folks that could relate to my dilemma and help me. I just wanted to quit drinking. What I got was exponentially more. It wasn’t a better life. It was a new life.

I quickly realized that removing the drink and drug was akin to tearing off a small corner of a piece of paper. The alcoholism was the rest of the paper. You see, the drink was but a symptom of the disease. There was much more that had to be done. It was to be a lifetime of vigilance but also an exploration into myself. I have to apply my recovery to every aspect of my life if I am going to be at peace. Lee Iacocca once said everyone should have the opportunity to go through a 12-step program. The drink is taken away and I was left with myself.

Eight years later and I have so much more than I ever expected. I found a spiritual connection that sustains me through all of life. Since getting sober I have been through my share of trials, tribulations, beauty and wonder. I’ve been broke and survived. I gotten a divorce. I’ve explored relationships, both D/s and vanilla. I’ve experienced a wonderful relationship with my children. I’ve battled and survived depression. I’ve found peace and a God of my understanding. I’ve had to look hard and deep within myself and get honest (I’m a scuba diver). I’ve had to be patient. My business has once again thrived. And I have fallen in love (guess who?).

My active alcoholism bled into my family. Today, my recovery does. It pervades into all aspects of my life. When I write on this blog, the goodness I have been blessed with can be shared with others.

I don’t want to drink any more. I haven’t for many years. Today, I continue my recovery journey for emotional sobriety. It has allowed me to love my children, to run a business, to accept hardship, to find love. It has allowed me to embrace my kinky sexuality and desire to give and receive true love.

It has also allowed me to reconcile things like molestation by an older brother. Deep feelings of shame from a dysfunctional family. I’ve learned these are not what define me. My thinking and fears are a product of many things but most of these thoughts and fears are not based in reality. The reality is I am a child of my God. I have assets and defects. It is my responsibility to embrace both; to use the assets for good and maintain vigilance of the defects, recognize when they crop up and be willing to adjust accordingly.

I have a deadly, chronic condition. It is my responsibility to treat my condition every day. I may not feel the urge to run to the liquor store but my emotional condition and spiritual connection must be a part of my daily routine. This is what has worked for me.

It’s allowed me to love and be loved. It’s allowed me to be comfortable in my own skin. It has given me peace and serenity. It’s allowed me to wear the world like a loose garment.

A Little More Perspective …..

I’ve always known being submissive isn’t for the faint of heart. It takes great strength to submit. Now, I’m not talking about finding a play partner and bending over a chair. I’m talking about submitting. Giving yourself fully to the trust of a dominant partner. Allowing your body to follow, only once the spirit and emotion are handed over to be held in trust. That’s submission and that takes great strength.

Additionally there is the common thread of submissives’ “past.” Most I have met or read have had more than their fair share of life’s trials and tribulations. These range from shitty “doms” (notice the “quotation marks” and little “d”) and less than stellar relationship partners, to verbal, emotional and sexual abuse.

Being a sub is no cake walk. There is often terrific burden to bear and that takes amazing strength.

Then there is the wonderful little side. I wonder how many in the kink community understand what it really means to be a little. I’m learning more and more every day. Those of us that love our littles/subs have a front row seat to witness the joy and beauty of seeing these multifaceted individuals play and romp, act silly and giggle, be themselves. We also witness them as adults in the real world. It often takes a daily effort to function in this frequently overwhelming and scary world. This takes great strength.

I remind db of her strength and I doubt she fully believes it. She believes me but not in herself, though that is changing (so proud). And I do all I can to relieve her of the burdens of the outside world. I only want to allow her to be her true self. Her little self. Her submissive and sexual self. She has spent the better part of her life facing the challenges of the world alone. And has done one hell of a job by the way. But I love her. This is her time to be free. Free to be little and free to belong to me.

I’ll keep showing her how strong she really is. I wish I could sprinkle fairy dust and make all the fears go away but life doesn’t work that way. She’s a submissive but also a human being so she will never do things perfectly. I am a Dom and a human being so I won’t either. Independent of each other we can only go so far. Together, we can walk through more than we can imagine. And we are.

Hold my hand doll baby.  I’ve got you.