Let Her Flourish and She’s Yours Forever

In communicating with a few submissives (babygirls) in recent months, I’ve noticed a common theme that’s a bit disheartening. They talk of feeling held back, unable to serve better by being more selflessly guided. There is a huge difference (and a fine line between) being dominant and domineering. Being a Dom is no cakewalk. We’re dealing with some of the most loving and fragile human beings that exist. Put your seatbelt on, fellow Doms. This is a lot more challenging than I sometimes like to admit or take responsibility for.

Am I looking after her or holding her back? My fear and insecurities can jump in. My selfishness can rear its ugly head. I can hide bad motives behind good ones even with the best intentions. Control in the name of dominance that is really based in fear my own selfish desires is one of the most egocentric things I can do. I must continually consider this; look in the mirror. Am I really serving her best interests or my own selfish needs?

Her freedom must be given through structure, discipline, love, trust, safety and security. She needs that unequivocally. Too much control will only serve to inhibit her true submissive self. Part of that is putting her priorities ahead of my own. The physical/sexual side is one thing. But the emotional side is where she will find her greatest gift of being able to serve. For her to submit, she has to be free. It’s a bit of a paradox but then again, many things in life are.

She must have her own voice. It’s not only her right but her responsibility. And she must know she’ll be heard without judgment or retribution. She needs to know her feelings and spirit will be held in trust by the one she has chosen to offer herself.  I must also show her it’s safe by exposing my own vulnerability. I must tell her how I’m feeling; also my right and responsibility. Her bearing witness to this will allow her to begin to drop what are often long-standing emotional walls. It’s a deep gift of love she will naturally recognize and therefore be even more devoted and want to serve that much more deeply. Again, a paradox.

And of course once she’s mine emotionally, she’ll physically give herself to me that much more. So ….. a bad motive behind a good one? Hope not but I must never stop considering this.

Give her this gift, let her flourish, give her wings to fly and she will be yours forever.

“Sir, please give me my voice so I can better serve you.”

A heavy heart but grateful for our time …..

Elisabeth Kubler-Ross modeled the five stages of the grief process. Denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. We’ve all experienced these, probably many times in our lives whether we knew it or not. There are at least two people I know of that are currently feeling some element of grief and likely will for some time. These feelings should never be denied or suppressed. Feelings help us grow.

I’ve gotten some lovely comments from some wonderful people. However the most important have been from Cinn. She’s doing as well or better than I could have imagined and for that I am grateful. But we are both hurting.

I discovered I cannot combine my sadistic and kinky side with the emotional attachment and care of a sweet tender soul. I cannot reconcile those two things. As cliché as it sounds, it’s childhood shit that would take a dozen posts to begin to describe (perhaps one day as I continue to explore). But it’s very real. I tried to work through, and ultimately ignore it, but it was a futile attempt. I had to make a very difficult decision.

The last thing I want to do is hurt her. And I believe she knows that unequivocally. She is the sweetest, most tender soul I’ve ever encountered. She told me she sensed it some time ago. She’s so bright and intuitive. But we were both trying to pretend it wasn’t real. We discussed going in, that things may not work. But we gave it a try.

So many people both here and in her personal world care deeply for her. She needs that. I’m also blessed with people here and in my personal world that care deeply for me. I need that. I have promised her I will do everything I can to make her transition as painless as possible. Thank you to those who have reached out to us both. All that really matters is that she and I know the reality of our situation. This will continue to evolve for each of us. We are looking after each other as much as we can. And to all of the dear friends of Cinn, know that she will always hold a special place in my heart and mind. She will forever be my friend. She has made me a better man. And hopefully I’ve been able to help her become a better woman.

Much love to you all.

The Mature Little and the Thespian

I love the theater, both as an audience member and being on the stage. In recent years, I’ve done Wizard of Oz, 9 to 5, Godspell and just finished Fiddler on the Roof. After four weeks of rehearsals, we moved into the theater and over the course of 22 days did tech and dress week, and 16 performances. Typically I was at the theater from 6PM to 11PM and noon to 11PM on Saturdays (two shows). I was home only four of those 22 evenings.

I talked with Db after being cast and let her know I would be away; a lot. Her response was she wants me to do what I love. It was tough for her. With me being increasingly tired over the course of the run, I also began to pull away from her. I wanted to be alone. I was covered up with work during this time as well. There was no sex. I was quiet. Here she is in a new town, lots of time on her hands and her Daddy was in absentia. I told her I didn’t want to have sex but more so, I was just unavailable. I felt guilt and felt overwhelmed by my responsibilities. Mainly to her.

The show ended and I quickly felt a depression come on. It was a more intimate show that I have ever done and there was a letdown.  Still, no intimacy with Db. I questioned in my own mind if I could handle this relationship and the responsibilities I have both to her and us. She is very perceptive and sensed this as well. Ultimately, she asked if I wanted her there. “If you are going to send me back, go ahead and do it now,” she said. This wasn’t an immature, passive-aggressive threat, she was taking care of herself. That one scared the shit out of me.

Yesterday, there was a bit of light with one of the many pressures I am feeling that essentially has to do with her well-being. I began to breathe a bit. She asked, “can I help you relax Daddy?” My mind and self-imposed pressure precluded me from even considering what she was offering.

Ten minutes later, God jumped in and completely changed my thinking. I went to the bed, took off my pants, called her back to the bedroom and instructed her to sit Indian style at the foot of the bed. Spreading my legs and placing them on either side of her lap, my cock was already hard. I had her use her hands on my cock and balls with coconut oil. The kink in me burst from it’s temporary cave. I reached down and spread my cheeks, instructing her to put her finger in my ass.

She timidly began to push saying “I don’t want to hurt you.”

“Do it,” I instructed.

She pushed her finger in and I told her to move it around as she massaged my prostrate. I had her stroke me slowly and methodically until I was at a peak.

“Make me cum,” I told her.

She stroked vigorously and within the minute, I had one of the most explosive orgasms I’ve had in some time (I hadn’t come in about two weeks). I had her remove her finger and the rest of the load came forth almost as a second orgasm. She went to the bathroom and quickly returned to gently clean me up.

This was the connection. She felt closer to me than she had in a few weeks. This is what she wants and needs, and that’s what brings forth my primal and sexually dominant nature. It was as though things were being reset. She looked at me and said my expression had completely changed.

You see, she knew what to do for her Daddy. She is a little but a very insightful and mature little. We talked last night. “Relationships take work,” she reminded me. There had been so much going on lately I needed her guidance. She asked me what I was afraid of. It boiled down to me being afraid she doesn’t need me.

“I would be just fine without you just like you would be okay without me,” she said. “I just don’t want to.”

Nor do I.

She hasn’t had a good spanking in a few weeks. I told her to be prepared for one this evening. And it’s going to be very harsh and intense. Most likely with a plug in her ass. This morning, she said she was a little nervous but I could also see the change in her expression. She needs this overdue spanking physically, but more so the intimacy that it brings. It will help to reset our roles and connection. She knows it will satiate my sadistic desires but she also knows I will not take her to any place that is harmful or unsafe.

This is our life. Real D/s. Real love. There has been renewal that quite frankly, she facilitated. Brilliant! My mature little.

My Wonderful Little

How can I possibly not?!!! Her strength and honesty exude in everything she does. From her amazing posts, to her surrender and trust as a little and submissive, to her innate sense of what is right, to her ability to share her strengths with so many in such a positive and helpful way. Safe to say I love her, am so proud of her and am honored to call her mine!

Subspace – A View from Above

Perhaps this ……

Her wrists were bound to the front legs of the bench and her legs were secured with a steel spreader that was chained to the back. The audience watched from the dark seating area, far enough away to give the privacy necessary but close enough to hear her breathing and see the sweat form on the small of her back. The cane left distinct red lines across her ass and thighs. He prided himself on his ability to evenly mark his babygirl creating an artistic pattern of continuity. She was floating. He watched her body go limp as her breathing was rapid and steady. He knew where her mind was. She was at peace. She was in heaven. He saw the depth of her subspace as he created on his canvass.

*****

Or perhaps this …..

She came to bed. He was letting her stay up a bit later these days as she was still on a temporary hiatus from the drudgery of 9 to 5. He was mostly asleep though he could never fall completely asleep until she was finally in bed. He reached for her and the feel of her skin brought instant arousal. She started on her side as she normally did but he quickly repositioned her on her back. He reached between her legs and she instinctively spread them for him. His hand was aggressive. Her pussy belonged to him. The primal was alive and well. He knew how much she loves to give herself to him in that submissive way. She stays relatively wet most of the time and he didn’t hesitate to push in a finger, then two, with deliberate motion. He instructed her to hold and massage his cock. It immediately grew hard in her hand. His natural reaction and extreme hardness was something that had been a challenge over the last many years. She had a completely different effect on him.  It wasn’t the touch, it was the connection.

Fucking her with his fingers, her reactions were immediate and her soaking pussy provided plenty of natural lubrication. He loved to feel her moisture and spread it all over her pussy and thighs. He spread her legs a bit more and began a rapid succession of smacks directly on her pussy. She moaned and semi-spoke that she’s never gotten pleasure from that activity until right then.

More fingering. He attacked her clit until the sensitivity was more than she could stand and he backed off heading further down to probe her asshole. She knows it is a favorite for him and she naturally opened up even more. The moisture from her pussy provided plenty of lubrication. He slid his middle finger in and watched her face. Her eyes were closed and she began to travel. He recognized she was going to that special place. His cock was rock hard and poked the side of her thigh as he continued to probe her ass while using the ball of his hand to aggressively massage her pussy and clit.

Her head turned into his chest and shoulder. She needed to feel that closeness; feel secure. And she was in that wonderful space.

“I’ve got you, doll baby. Let yourself go. My asshole, my pussy, Float.”

Several minutes passed as the intensity ebbed and flowed. Her moans and lack of response to various softly spoken works were indicative of her subspace. He was ecstatic because she was filled with physical and emotional joy and serenity.

Ultimately, her body went limp. His middle finger remained securely entrenched in her tightest hole. However he recognized the pressure was dramatically lighter than when he had begun. She drifted. She was sleeping. Fifteen minutes later, he slowly withdrew his finger and there was no muscular contraction on her part. Her turned her back to her side and held her until he heard the familiar purring of her sleep. He pulled away keeping one hand on her lower back as he settled himself. The hard on slowly subsided and he was reminded that it wasn’t always about the orgasm for him. His need had been met for now. He drifted off quickly as well.

The next morning, she had minimal recollection of coming down from the submissive “buzz” she loved so much. He just smiled and felt honor and pride in his baby girl.

*****

One is fiction, one is true. Any idea which?

She’s home, she’s strong and she’s mine

We made it home and it was a trip I’m more than glad to have behind us. I pulled out of my driveway Friday at 4pm, flew to Dallas, started driving at 11pm and pulled back into the driveway Saturday at 8pm. 1,170 miles. I was amazed how well db and our puppy dog did on the ride home. Actually, pretty amazed I made it as well. I’m not as young as I used to be.

Sandy …..

We knew db’s beloved Sandy was very sick and were worried about her making the trip. Db called me Friday morning in tears. Sandy couldn’t walk, was panting heavily and something had obviously happened overnight. Now ….. words can’t exemplify what Sandy meant to db and what an integral part of her life and growth Sandy has been. (Of course if you have a dog, you can probably relate.) Needless to say, putting her down was the most difficult thing my doll baby has ever done. And she did it with grace, strength, all while allowing her emotions to flow. I was so very proud of her. Two WP friends made comments that were profound to me. The first being “God took the decision to put Sandy down out of db’s hands.” The second that “Sandy waited to pass until RD was on his way.” I believe in both of those comments without any reservation.

Her strength …..

Db is a little. The world can often seem like a scary place to her. I watched with amazement as she packed and coordinated her end of the move to NC. I often found myself trying to jump in and take things out of her hands. She usually responded (respectfully), “Daddy, I have taken care of myself for decades.” She was reminding me that she could do for herself and that she needed me, but not to survive. She teaches me every day.

And now this …..

I’m beginning to hypothesize that the term “little” is perhaps one of the more misunderstood terms in the D/s community. Db is one of the smartest, most articulate people I have ever met. If you think she is a scared little girl or childish, you are grossly mistaken. Her strength is tantamount to the most secure (respectable) Dom I have ever encountered. She knows who she is and embraces it. She respectfully defends it and will stand up for her beliefs and the rights of others. Her strength comes from years (and years) of life lessons.

I take pride in my girl. I am honored to have her submit to me. I cherish her wisdom and strength as equally as her desire and willingness to submit.

Humility

Db’s post is hers and I couldn’t be more proud of what she has communicated. I remind her that she is highly regarded within the community. Someone that people respect and seek out for experience, strength and hope.

There are only a handful of folks on WP (that I’ve encountered) that are as seemingly honest and “without façade” as she. I unequivocally agree with her frustration regarding recent posts toward littles but I have my own frustration that lies more so with the sources.

Humility is not humiliation. It’s a modest view of my own importance. I know of a Daddy/Dom that recently instructed his babygirl to make a specific significant change in her life that would reduce her stress level. He did it because he loves her and she has entrusted her well-being to him. But HE never promoted it to the masses, she did. This evokes great admiration in me. Self-professed “guruism,” be it overt or covert is challenging (at best) to garner any respect.

Finally ……

I’m the lucky one. She wants nothing more than to please me and allow me to take care of her little, her big and everything in between. She’s home, she’s strong and she is all mine.

Wishing Cinnamon and Hunter much love and happiness!

Such incredible love and support. I feel like we have so many kindred spirits and fairy god siblings that are supporting us along our journey. Very grateful to you Joy. You are a good soul.

My Own Joy

Cinn, I love you and am so happy for you! I have gotten to know you through your blog and through some of our private conversations and I look forward to growing that friendship when you finally get settled in NC (which is so much closer to me than Texas..lol). You always know just what to say or do to put a smile on my face and I am so grateful for that.

Your blog has always been a source of inspiration, hope and love. You never gave up and because of that you have found the man of your dreams. I know there is still hope for me yet. 😉

Hunter, I don’t know you as well (we may have to remedy that) except for what I have read in your blogs, but what I have read, I can feel the sincerity in your words. A true gentleman with…

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Dear Hunter & Cinn:

When I created my WordPress account I had no idea what an amazing group of people were waiting to support, love, challenge, teach and share. Our friend Annie has been one of the most fundamental of the family since the very beginning. I am at a loss for the right words to express how touched I am by her post. Except to say, Cinn is my diamond and I will hold her in trust for the rest of our days. Thank you so much Annie for this my (our) friend.

Close, but so far…

This is wonderful. Love and creativity abound ……..

pushing our limits

Years of searching and waiting

Months of wanting and anticipating

Weeks of planning and worrying

Days of packing and scurrying

Visits kept the fears at bay

As we excitedly ticked away the days

Finally, moving day has arrived

But then, this shit falls from the sky

Again, we want and wait some more

Until the moment you walk through that door

Take my hand and lead me away

To our new life, you smile and say

Where our dreams and goals mesh together

And the world will be infinitely better

Another delay doesn’t change a thing

Because I know what tomorrow will bring

Yes, we are close, but oh so far…

Hey… You could always just hop in a car!

—

Dedicated to my friend Cinny,
as she waits yet another day
for her Real Deal Hunter,
to come take her away!

Stupid weather. I wish you all the best in…

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Update……

Weather continues to be an issue but “neither snow nor rain nor heat nor gloom of night” shall keep me from bringing my baby girl home!