Our friend Symon wrote a terrific post this week about being a Dom. I wanted to add some specific thoughts on being a Daddy.
There is tremendous responsibility that comes with having a baby girl belong to me. I’m given the gift of submission but it’s coming from a little soul. This requires extra care. She is fragile and I must be acutely aware of my tone, my touch, how I instruct, adding “my doll baby” to the end of a sentence. I worry about her …. a lot. I tell her I love her …. a lot.
I must facilitate regular discussions about the dynamic of our relationship. It is my job to know her better than she knows herself and honor boundaries she may not even be aware of. This makes her feel safe so she can trust me when I am pushing her beyond her comfort zone. I must give her a safe environment to express what she needs. She has spent a lifetime being shut down when trying to express feelings and I must never, I mean never impede her need or ability to open up.
I have to deal with exponentially more emotion that is often protected from long standing walls. I have to occasionally “extract” these emotions, albeit carefully. I have to (figuratively) squeeze her burdensome emotions from her body and mind. Sometimes with words, sometimes with paddles and plugs. And I better be damn careful in the process with a keen eye and ear. I also need to bring out her joy. Teach her how to love herself. I.e., affirmations and a structure to follow so she will come to feel them instead of just hearing or reading them.
I must make decisions based on the best interest of both of us and I better have the wherewithal and balance to do so. When (not if) I find myself leaning toward self-centered desires that might have a negative effect on her, I must recognize this and adjust accordingly.
Structure, Training and Discipline
I have to be able and willing to push her beyond her comfort zone to help her grow. It’s another way she finds her serenity and safety. I have to create structure in her life and be consistent. I must punish her when necessary. If she has a daily task and fails to complete it or even falls short, I must create consequences as soon as possible. She may not like them but the consistency makes her feel cared for and loved.
I have to give her more time than would typically be expected. I have to stay close during the day. I check in to see how she is doing. I let her know I am thinking about her. I have to sit with her so she can feel me as she floats off into a movie. And I need to feel her against me. I have to offer aftercare x 10. I also have to give her her own time. She needs her space. She has been alone and independent for a long time. That can’t be taken away. But I must always be available. She must know I will always be there for her.
I have to admit my mistakes and make amends quickly. I’m the Daddy. I teach by showing maturity and responsibility. When I make mistakes, she can feel a skewed responsibility and suddenly she “owns” something that has nothing to do with her. If I don’t act quickly, that can become a burden and God forbid bring up old feelings that can suddenly overwhelm her.
I have to make her accountable to my sexuality. She wants me to use her body for my own pleasure. When I don’t allow myself to explore my own sexual and even sadistic desires, I am withholding an opportunity for her to show me her desire to give herself to, or even suffer for me. And I must keep her feeling safe at all times. This is the only way she can go to her own wonderful place. I am also responsible for her pleasure. I have to be creative with ways to take her to both a sexually pleasing and a mentally/emotionally submissive state.
If I’m in a bad space, I need to let her know how I’m feeling. She is a little but also a capable woman. She needs to support me emotionally, even physically at times. This helps teach her I am also human. It shows her my willingness to be vulnerable which will help her to trust me when she is frightened of her own vulnerability. It makes her feel needed and wanted. However, when it comes to emotional support, she must always come first.
I have to do things for her. Fix things around the house. Make sure her car is serviced. Fix some meals while she sits on the sofa and watches her favorite show. I have to protect her at all times, not just in my presence. Her little doesn’t operate on a switch, it’s integral to who she is. At work, with family, walking the dogs or restrained to the bed with plugs, clamps and a gag. It is always my responsibility to be keenly aware of her physical and emotional state. She just wants to feel safe and cared for. She needs the freedom to let her little play.
Perhaps most importantly, I have to be myself. If I’m not, I am doing a terrible disservice to myself but especially her. This is what I know today about being a Daddy. If I don’t know more tomorrow, next week, next month and next year, I am not being a great Daddy to my baby girl. I feel tremendous honor and a great responsibility being her Daddy. I hope I can always humbly care for her so we can grow together and share our joy and experiences with others.